What is My Goal?

Now that I'm really "out" in my quest to shed pounds (hello, my weight was printed in a newspaper--eek!), a LOT of people have been asking me what my goal weight is.  My response: I stammer, I sputter, I shift uncomfortably & mutter something about wanting to be healthy.

The truth is that for the past year I have been a woman on a mission, working diligently toward...no goal at all.  I am starting to have the vague idea that I should change that & zero my sights in on an actual number, but for now, here are my current reasons for flying blind:

1.  My ultimate goal weight is too overwhelming.  When I started, I knew that regardless of my goal I had well over 100 pounds to lose just to get to the upper end of the healthy range.  It was too discouraging to have a 2 pound week count toward a 100+ pound goal.  BUT a 2 pound week toward a 5 pound goal?  Spectacular!  The biggest bite I have ever taken is the 15 pound "Overweight by '08" campaign & that nearly killed me mentally.

2.  I have no frame of reference.  In my adult life, I have been a healthy weight for exactly one year.  Unfortunately, at that same time I was at my least healthy in all other aspects.  I was smoking, drinking, & eating only one meal per day max.  I have consciously avoided using pictures from that time or thoughts of that era as motivation because I was extremely unhealthy & largely miserable--another big shout out to Dave for clawing out of that stage together, just wish we hadn't eaten so many Spaghetti-os & Garlic Toasts to do it!

3.  I'm scared.  Pinning down a number seems so set in stone & I don't want to set a goal that is "unattainable."  What if I tank?  What if Opal refuses to let go of anymore of her stores?  What if my knee becomes a perennial problem?  What if my body really just wants to be ___?  I realize that all of these worries are absolute garbage, but leaving the end goal open has allowed me to stay focused on small victories.  Setting myself up for success has been a big part of my mental process & I don't want to mess with it.

*sigh*  I do know this: I have always thought that I was 5' 3" but at a check-up with a new doc last year, the nurse actually measured me (they never measure adults, they just take your word for it!) & said I was 5' 5".  I'm a little suspect of her measuring capabilities, she seemed pretty daffy, so bottom line I'll be shooting for a goal that is within the common ground for both heights: 120-141.  That is as specific as I'm willing to get at this point, but I am still 28 pounds outside of my maximum so I have plenty of time to ponder.  In the mean time, my newest goal is a simple 5 pounds with no looming deadline.  That isn't scary & it isn't life changing--unless I keep getting rid of 5 pounds after 5 pounds after 5 pounds, which I intend to keep doing.