Avoidance Productivity

Remember in school when you had a big assignment due & you re-he-he-ealllllly didn't want to do it?  Your room was never cleaner.  Your hobbies were never more alluring.  And your books were never more organized (by publisher & then alphabetized--isn't that how you kept your book collection when you were 9?).

I am never more productive than when I'm avoiding something.  Whilst I was avoiding being accountable & facing the music on my 5 lbs of creeping negligence I was EXTREMELY productive in the rest of my life:

• I learned how to make homemade whole wheat pizza crust.
• I organized our DVD collection in cute acrylic boxes.
• I started purging our house of cleaning chemicals & started making my own cleaners.
• I read up on milling my own flour, listened to a webinar on the subject & tracked down a new filter for the 1980's hand-me-down mill that I got from my mother.
• I finished our taxes.
• I tracked down information on dual flush toilets & got the parts for Dave to convert our master bath (which he did--if you're interested in making the switch, don't believe the lies about 10 minute, tool-less install).
• I got my kids signed up for their summer swim lessons & day camps.
• I peel-&-stick tiled under our master bathroom sink & organized all of the junk under there.
• I took to Pinterest & learned how to make my own "canned" beans using dried beans & my crock pot.
• I made orange infused vinegar for cleaning my wood floors.
• I started planning/planting our 2012 Garden Extravaganza.
• I finally went to the local health market (New City Market for curious locals) I've been meaning to hit up & realized that farm fresh eggs are only 10 minutes from my house.
• I moved around some furniture in the living & dining rooms.
• I organized the drawers in the kitchen & purged kitchen gizmos that I don't use.
• I started on our next project: a penny tiled desktop for the short book shelves in the kitchen.

Here's what I didn't do:

• I didn't track my food.
• I didn't write a word.
• I didn't log onto my blog or Facebook page.  At all.
• I didn't keep myself accountable.
• I didn't take the bull by the horns & stop moping.

I'm mad.  I don't want to have to THINK about food every minute of every day forever.  I don't want to have loose skin that makes it hard to find bras, underpants & jeans that don't highlight my lumps at best & cause pain at worst.  I don't want to feel guilty when I eat a brownie & guilty when I DON'T eat a brownie.  I don't want to work-out.  I don't want to feel torn between what I've been taught about low-cal/low-fat & what I feel to be true about whole foods & real foods.  I don't want to give up on my goal weight but I don't want to put in the extra work required to attain it. 

And all of that energy focused on what I DON'T want won't help me get any of the things I DO want.  I guess I'm just not sure what it is that I want--except to go to "The Hunger Games" tonight.  I know I want that.