Thursday, March 22, 2012

Avoidance Productivity


Remember in school when you had a big assignment due & you re-he-he-ealllllly didn't want to do it?  Your room was never cleaner.  Your hobbies were never more alluring.  And your books were never more organized (by publisher & then alphabetized--isn't that how you kept your book collection when you were 9?).

I am never more productive than when I'm avoiding something.  Whilst I was avoiding being accountable & facing the music on my 5 lbs of creeping negligence I was EXTREMELY productive in the rest of my life:
  • I learned how to make homemade whole wheat pizza crust.
  • I organized our DVD collection in cute acrylic boxes.
  • I started purging our house of cleaning chemicals & started making my own cleaners.
  • I read up on milling my own flour, listened to a webinar on the subject & tracked down a new filter for the 1980's hand-me-down mill that I got from my mother.
  • I finished our taxes.
  • I tracked down information on dual flush toilets & got the parts for Dave to convert our master bath (which he did--if you're interested in making the switch, don't believe the lies about 10 minute, tool-less install).
  • I got my kids signed up for their summer swim lessons & day camps.
  • I peel-&-stick tiled under our master bathroom sink & organized all of the junk under there.
  • I took to Pinterest & learned how to make my own "canned" beans using dried beans & my crock pot.
  • I made orange infused vinegar for cleaning my wood floors.
  • I started planning/planting our 2012 Garden Extravaganza.
  • I finally went to the local health market (New City Market for curious locals) I've been meaning to hit up & realized that farm fresh eggs are only 10 minutes from my house.
  • I moved around some furniture in the living & dining rooms.
  • I organized the drawers in the kitchen & purged kitchen gizmos that I don't use.
  • I started on our next project: a penny tiled desktop for the short book shelves in the kitchen.
Here's what I didn't do:
  • I didn't track my food.
  • I didn't write a word.
  • I didn't log onto my blog or Facebook page.  At all.
  • I didn't keep myself accountable.
  • I didn't take the bull by the horns & stop moping.
I'm mad.  I don't want to have to THINK about food every minute of every day forever.  I don't want to have loose skin that makes it hard to find bras, underpants & jeans that don't highlight my lumps at best & cause pain at worst.  I don't want to feel guilty when I eat a brownie & guilty when I DON'T eat a brownie.  I don't want to work-out.  I don't want to feel torn between what I've been taught about low-cal/low-fat & what I feel to be true about whole foods & real foods.  I don't want to give up on my goal weight but I don't want to put in the extra work required to attain it. 

And all of that energy focused on what I DON'T want won't help me get any of the things I DO want.  I guess I'm just not sure what it is that I want--except to go to "The Hunger Games" tonight.  I know I want that.


  1. This post literally brought tears to my eyes! I have been feeling the same way except I haven't made hardly any progress. I just keep thinking "Is it going to be worth it? I will still have nasty stretch marks, a ton of extra skin, all of the moles/marks on my body that I hate..." And the list goes on. Thank you for coming back...I know that you use the blog and FB for your own accountability. But you are making a difference to other people as well. You are a HUGE inspiration to me. I finally got motivated to start Weight Watchers again (repeat offender here) because of your blog. Every time I am having a moment of "I can't do this" I come to your blog and say "Okay, it's going to be hard but I can definitely do this!" You have come so so so so far. Even if your body still isn't perfect, you have added years to your life. When you love people and have people that love you, extra years is a bigger deal than any pretty panties or bras :) I can't imagine how hard it must be doing all that you have done and still having a little way to go. But know that in my book, you're a total Rockstar!! :)

  2. I had a minor breakdown when I saw the scale go below 170, my lowest ever. In fact I started therapy and am dealing with uncovering childhood layers (fat) of protection. I don't want to put the weight back on. Therapy is amazing...I looked up a therapist who has experience with eating disorders. Hang in there!

    1. I feel as though I wrote this article myself! Is that really what I was DOING?! Here, I thought I was being cery efficient. Yep...avoidance...and an eating disorder. I don't know WHICH disorder, but I know there is one because NORMAL ppl don't sit around obsessing over food; what to eat, when to eat it, how much of it to eat, and still be able to plan 'normal' meals for the rest of the ppl in my house who do NOT give a rats behind what they long as they eat it on time like breakfast lunch and dinner; tastykakes in between with large glasses of whole milk...ugh. It's become an all day every day obsession. When I ignore the issue and only choose 'healthy' foods when I feel hungry, I pile on the pounds. I am 5'2" and 155. "They" say I should be 125 for my size and age, otherwise I have to worry about diabetes, cholesterol issues and other weird diseases. All I want to do is stop tugging at my clothes all day because NOTHING fits a petite girl who is not very PETITE! Thanks for letting me spew. I'll go now and look for my inner CHI...