Words of reflection, encouragement, punishment, catharsis, narcissism, humor & accountability from a wife & mother on a journey to reclaim her body & keep her sanity. Sometimes heavy, sometimes light, always real life.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Boobs. Because...Boobs!
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My boobs are a travesty.
It took me a good long while to figure out what my first sentence back at the keyboard should be. A whimsical lamentation about something frivolous seemed like the perfect way to show myself that I'm still me. I still have a voice. I still have my meager wit. I still like to poke fun. I just don't have a killer rack anymore. And the Earth, it keeps a-spinning.
A lot has changed over the past couple of years. My tiny, blobby baby is a busy toddler & my "big" kids are going to be in First Grade & pre-K in the Fall. I may or may not have a latent health condition that will rear its ugly head when I let my guard down. I started watching "Game of Thrones." I don't want to use artificial or highly processed foods to fuel my body. My hubby took a new job that is more demanding of his time but so worth it in his job satisfaction. My hair turned really dark brown. I quit Weight Watchers. I joined a shiny new gym. I became obsessed with reducing my family's waste. I stopped caring about reducing the size of my waist. I thought about learning to knit--but then I remembered that I don't like crafts.
Somewhere in all of these changes I realized that I'm not the same person that I was two, three or four years ago--so I need to stop expecting myself to act like I am. I spent a lot of time comparing myself to my prior post-baby timeline. I spent a lot of time wishing that magical thinking would make everything the same (or better). I lost 100 lbs in one year a couple of years ago. That's neat, but I don't have to do it again to be successful & I don't owe anyone an apology for things not being the same. I'm not the same, even though I'm still me. And that is an empowering revelation.
I can still make with the funny about gravity's ever-increasing pull on my ta-tas. I can still have highs & lows. But they WILL be different. The weight isn't coming off as smoothly as it did the last time. I'm not as singularly focused on making it so. It's not rocket science, it's just life & I need to get to a head space where I stop putting my past self on a pedestal & start putting my current self back in the game. The new game. With a better bra because National Geographic is for real life, folks.
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Glad you're back! You, my friend, are an excellent writer. And I relate to the whole mommy body acceptance. As I come to the end of this pregnancy I realize I will still have a year or more of nursing and adjusting as my body changes yet again. I tried to explain it to Jeff the other night. How my body just won't ever be the same and he gave me this look where I could tell he was thinking, "sure it can" and being aware enough not to say it. But things have changed, like my butt and my boobs and my tummy and the elasticity of everything. I think I will be okay with all of the differences... ask me again in two years. It's good to hear a voice of reason and acceptance amid all the magazines at the OBGYN office that show celebrities looking amazing 6-weeks postpartum.
ReplyDeleteI for one am so happy to read this blog! I saw the notification in my email and I can't tell you how excited I was to read your newest entry. I've missed you. I can relate to you in so many ways and I love your humor and wit. I've been on a journey too...getting involved in green smothies, boycotting processed food, trying to follow Paleo lifestyle while still trying to make everything fit into WW guidelines. Needless to say, I put on the 30 lbs that I took off and have since been unable to get out of the lose 5 lbs/put on 5 lbs evil rotation. You're not alone in your thinking and reasoning and dang am I glad to see you're back!! Please keep it going and WELCOME BACK! HUGS!
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