Friday, January 14, 2011
Here's What Happened After I Got Funky
When I hit my wall a few months ago, I wanted to throw in the towel. With a "wow" amount gone, it seemed quite reasonable to say enough is enough & rest contentedly on my laurels. I was tired of having to try so hard to be thin--something that seemed to come so easy to so many of the women that I know & I was overwhelmed by the enormity of the task before me, when I had already done so much.
At that point, I regrouped mentally & started setting really small mini-goals & blogging along the way.
Getting my head in a place that refocused on ME & what I could DO helped me continue to get the job DONE.
Now, quite firmly on the other side of that funk I have realized two completely unrelated things:
1) The idea that "it comes easy for some women" is a complete & utter fallacy. When I stopped & watched those women who's bodies filled me with a most non-sexual lust, I realized that it wasn't easy at all. I realized that "yeah, she eats like crap...but she eats only two bites of crap, not the whole crap." Or, "yeah, she's super thin...but she works out...every day...really hard." Those girls that have got it, got it for a reason. Shame on me if I belittle their efforts & minimize them down to good genes or good luck.
2) In the face of a big task, I must realize that time marches steadily on, with or without my participation. When I was in high school, a friend's mother went back to school. I remember her saying that time was going to go by whether she got her degree or not, so she might as well use the time & finish her education. All dewy & unaware, with nothing BUT time ahead of me, I didn't get it. Now, I understand. The hours to get me from my hospital bed on February 17, 2010 to today at my desk would have been exactly the same, regardless of any of the choices that I made in the interim. Today would still be a cold day in January & I would still have been at home with my kids asleep in the next rooms. It would have taken 11 months to get here no matter what, so why not make the most of the time in between? All I can do is make the best choice possible at each fork in the road (or in my mouth).
Looking back on the last few months I have had some really great successes, not the least of which continues to be the daily decision & commitment to make the best choices I can at each decision point. I'm firmly convinced, now more than ever, that positive thinking & bite sized (te he he) goals are the lynch pins of my efforts.