Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Transparency in Eating


Like a crack-head with a new pipe...
I can't believe I ate the WHOLE thing.  *sigh*  If you've never had an unhealthy relationship with food, I'm likely about to gross you out.  Truth be told, I'm a little disgusted myself.  Sitting here writing this is one of the harder things I've done in a while, but I know that is precisely why I have to make myself do it.  Afterall, this isn't all about the rah-rah-rah.  Some of the process is the blarg-blech-yuck.  That being said, here's a truth-bomb to give myself a hard dose of accountability.

I had a seriously Old Sara moment over the weekend.  The long & short of it: brownies were made, brownies were eaten.  No justification here, but the problem started with the fact that I purchased the low-fat mix.  What was I thinking?!?  They were just begging to be abused.  "I can have two, they're low-fat..."  Then two turned to four & so on until the math became too much for my capabilities...or at least that's what I told myself. 

Yesterday I went back & figured it out.  It reminded me of college days when I would count the bottle caps in my pocket from the prior night to figure out how many Miller Lites it took to make my headache the next morning.  How many brownies did it take to fill my gut with fudgey goodness & regret?  Of the 18 (exactly even & perfectly cooked due to the magic of "The Perfect Brownie"), I ate 14 over the course of Sunday.  Translated into Weight Watchers speak: 55 PointsPlus Values.

It would have been really easy for me to not go back & do the math & acknowledge what I had done.  But that wouldn't change anything, all 14 of those low-fat jerks would still be festering in my gut (& on my hips).  So, now I know & I will NEVER do that again (though I know I will probably do something similar...once a junky, always a junky).  Knowing what I did helped me get into the head space to do something about it & I've kicked up my work-outs accordingly. 

This week, my mini-goal is to have a loss.  Any loss.  I will not let those brownies do any more harm--completely stripping my pride is quite enough. 


  1. I do think accountability is a key part in most weight loss stratigies. I think you could also replace the word transparency with vulnerability. http://rowdykittens.com/2011/01/vulnerability/

  2. lol.... i totally understand! i ate a whole package (minus 1) of archway original frosted lemon cookies... i think i consumed about 880 calories. wow. i know what you mean when you say, once a junkie, always a junkie. thanks for being accountable and making me confess too!