Fresh Start

Saturday was my last first day at Weight Watchers--the last time I will walk in for the first time & feel that twinge of guiltshamenausea that comes with feeling like I failed. Even though I know that's a load of hog wash--the failure part--it still gets me.  I firmly believe that weight issues are not a reflection of character & yet here I am feeling ridiculously ashamed at where I'm at (226.8 lbs & completely out of shape, in the interest of full disclosure).  As I've been chewing on the negativity & moving into my fresh start, I realized that I'm in a very different place than I was when I first start therapizing myself with the blog.  Not only do I have a fresh start for my tush, I have a fresh start for my online diary...& of course a fresh start fridge picture!

When I first started writing about my process, I had already lost 80 of my eventual 120 lbs.  I had done most of the heavy lifting--made good habits, built positive thought patterns, educated myself about my choices.  Fast forward.  The heavy lifting is right at my doorstep.  While I waxed poetic the first time around about the things that I had done, now I get to process in real time.  It's exciting & nerve wracking.  There's more on the line when there's a possibility of fully exposed failure.

But the flip side: now I get to be pragmatic.  I get to remind myself in the thick of things about what works & doesn't work.  To get the ball rolling I'm focusing on one key behavior & one mini-goal at a time.

Behavior:  Plan Ahead 

I spent my free time last week planning dinner menus out through the middle of March & prepping food.  I put dinner plans on my calender, along with alarms set for when I need to start cooking & "to-dos" the night before if I need to get something out of the freezer to defrost.  

Because I try to eat a largely "real" food diet, it takes a little work to make sure I have the things I need to be successful.  I scheduled time each day last week to make: 

• bread
• chicken stock
• cream of mushroom soup
• cream of chicken soup
• yogurt
• black beans
• refried beans
• northern beans
• ranch dressing

This week's scheduled prep plans include:

• zucchini muffins
• pumpkin muffins
• whole wheat bread crumbs
• chicken nuggets
• cream of celery soup

And here's the point that I want to remember in all of this flurry of planning & cooking & prepping:  this is how I prefer to do things...it is by no means the only way to do things.  The key is in the planning ahead, in knowing when I have time to make things & when I need to rely on the grocery store. There will be times when my freezer is empty & I don't have all of my homemade staples...but I must still have a plan.  Running to McDonald's does not constitute a plan.

Mini-Goal: No More Maternity Undies  

In the next two weeks I would like to rid my drawers of maternity drawers.  Beside the obvious reason being they are hideous & the granniest of granny panties, they have also seen me through three pregnancies.  They are straight up falling apart.  We're not talking minor holes--we're talking massive holes & swaths where elastic is separated from the fabric & other problems too unmentionable for the world wide web (but if you've had a baby, you probably get the gist of it).  Anyhoo...I want them gone forever.  In two weeks.  I don't care what the scale says, I'm not getting bent out of shape about not working out.  I just want to wear real underwear that couldn't also double as the tattered & torn sails of The Nina, The Pinta or The Santa Maria.