Saturday was my last first day at Weight Watchers--the last time I will walk in for the first time & feel that twinge of guiltshamenausea that comes with feeling like I failed. Even though I know that's a load of hog wash--the failure part--it still gets me. I firmly believe that weight issues are not a reflection of character & yet here I am feeling ridiculously ashamed at where I'm at (226.8 lbs & completely out of shape, in the interest of full disclosure). As I've been chewing on the negativity & moving into my fresh start, I realized that I'm in a very different place than I was when I first start therapizing myself with the blog. Not only do I have a fresh start for my tush, I have a fresh start for my online diary...& of course a fresh start fridge picture!
When I first started writing about my process, I had already lost 80 of my eventual 120 lbs. I had done most of the heavy lifting--made good habits, built positive thought patterns, educated myself about my choices. Fast forward. The heavy lifting is right at my doorstep. While I waxed poetic the first time around about the things that I had done, now I get to process in real time. It's exciting & nerve wracking. There's more on the line when there's a possibility of fully exposed failure.
But the flip side: now I get to be pragmatic. I get to remind myself in the thick of things about what works & doesn't work. To get the ball rolling I'm focusing on one key behavior & one mini-goal at a time.
Behavior: Plan Ahead
I spent my free time last week planning dinner menus out through the middle of March & prepping food. I put dinner plans on my calender, along with alarms set for when I need to start cooking & "to-dos" the night before if I need to get something out of the freezer to defrost.
Because I try to eat a largely "real" food diet, it takes a little work to make sure I have the things I need to be successful. I scheduled time each day last week to make:
- chicken stock
- cream of mushroom soup
- cream of chicken soup
- black beans
- refried beans
- northern beans
- ranch dressing
This week's scheduled prep plans include:
- zucchini muffins
- pumpkin muffins
- whole wheat bread crumbs
- chicken nuggets
- cream of celery soup
And here's the point that I want to remember in all of this flurry of planning & cooking & prepping: this is how I prefer to do things...it is by no means the only way to do things. The key is in the planning ahead, in knowing when I have time to make things & when I need to rely on the grocery store. There will be times when my freezer is empty & I don't have all of my homemade staples...but I must still have a plan. Running to McDonald's does not constitute a plan.
Mini-Goal: No More Maternity Undies
In the next two weeks I would like to rid my drawers of maternity drawers. Beside the obvious reason being they are hideous & the granniest of granny panties, they have also seen me through three pregnancies. They are straight up falling apart. We're not talking minor holes--we're talking massive holes & swaths where elastic is separated from the fabric & other problems too unmentionable for the world wide web (but if you've had a baby, you probably get the gist of it). Anyhoo...I want them gone forever. In two weeks. I don't care what the scale says, I'm not getting bent out of shape about not working out. I just want to wear real underwear that couldn't also double as the tattered & torn sails of The Nina, The Pinta or The Santa Maria.