Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Boo Hoo Hoo
Momma always said be careful what you wish for.
Recently I have been lamenting that I wasn't brave enough to start writing about my process from the very beginning. As a journal, the flaw lies in missing those moments, both physical & mental that got me to my point now. As a piece of writing, the flaw lies in the omission of my origins--the mountaintops are made somewhat irrelevant in the absence of valleys.
Essentially, I have been lamenting that I don't have enough negative stuff to document at this point in my journey. Ha ha ha.
Cue body image issues, self doubt, sub-conscious sabotage, raging hormones, a crowded store, more body image issues, Spring Oreos, jealousy, haters, more body image issues, & (most recently) a hip wiggle move in Zumba that sent shock waves through my thighs & me into yet ANOTHER bout of waterworks in public. *sigh* This is getting old.
I was having a good workout--probably the first Zumba class at 100% since my knee injury. I felt great, my blood was pumping & I was excited. Due to a laundry/laziness issue, I was wearing leggings instead of my usual work-out pants. Odd that I mention apparel? Thin fabric + hip wiggle + excess skin = boo hoo hoo
I started bawling with one & a half songs left of class. I phoned in the last 10 minutes & then I sat & pouted. Someone asked me if I was ok & then it all started flying out. A couple of women came by to congratulate me on the article & I started blabbing more. Extra skin...boo hoo hoo...flabby tummy...boo hoo hoo...c-section scar...boo hoo hoo. Ugh.
I got my wish, now what am I going to do about besides cry? Hmmmm...