Saturday, March 26, 2011

She'll be Comin' Round the Corner When She Comes


Up two pounds for the week.  In all honesty it is less than I expected.  I'm a daily weigh-er, but I didn't touch the scale this week...I walked into weigh-in blind but for the knowledge of what I felt I had "earned" 

I cried all the way through the meeting--not because of the gain, but because of my apathy & bitterness.  Even though the topic was fortuitously "dealing with setbacks," I was still mopey when I got home.  Once again, no guilt, which I have decided is a big problem. 

Over the course of this week I identified that I have a six month cycle of success followed by bitterness.  It's illogical, it's ungrateful, but it's how I feel.  Yet again after all of my success & all of my blessings & all of my hard work I am overwhelmed by the enormity of my task & how far I have yet to go.  My last six month bitterness yielded the beginning of my blog.  The outcome of this six month bitterness is TBD, BUT I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I kept very busy feeling sorry for myself for the last couple of weeks & bemoaning that "I have to do this." 
Then three things happened:

1) Lincoln reminded me that I needed to go exercise.  A subtle reminder from a three year old helped me put my task back into its greater perspective.  While I am taking this journey primarily for myself, little eyes are watching & little lives are being shaped.  When Lincoln asked me if I was going to Zumba class on Thursday, not only did I go (when I was going to flake out) but it helped me get back to a motivation that was outside of myself.  This proved key when...

2)  Dave reminded me that I'm not special.  Of course I'm special in that everyone-is-unique-&-has-a-voice kind of way, but sometimes people need to be reminded that in the human experience there isn't anything new under the sun & everyone has something that is his cross to bear.  Dave & I often tell each other that we "are not beautiful or unique snowflakes," especially as pertains to the things that get us down.  Realizing that I'm not the only one with a problem, or even THIS problem was key to snapping me back into the mindset that this is my struggle--could be better, could be worse.  That brought me to dealing with my wall, mentally & physically when...

3)  While she was giving a presentation at the Healthy Living Expo, I learned that my first BL crush, Rebecca, not only hit a wall in her process, but it was at the 100 pound mark as well.  It was almost an off-hand remark, but what was practically a throw away line for her was just what I needed to remind me that this process isn't voo-doo, it's science.  I can sit & wish for results in one hand &...well, you get the idea.  If I want to press through a wall, I have to DO something.  Back to measuring food, back to drinking water, back to religiously scheduled work-outs.  I can't control everything, but I can control the things I can control.

I do believe that puts me squarely around the corner & where I need to be.  I've got menus planned for next week & a grocery list put together & I've been sipping away at my gigantic water cup.  Tomorrow I'm going to get my house back in order (the state of my house nearly always reflects my mood) & get ready to face a new week with the promise that at this time next week I will have posted a weight decrease & a confidence increase.


  1. Hang in there! I've been going through some similar things and it inspired me to get my "house" in order as well. Love reading your blog. Thank you. Debbie

  2. After seeing literally hundreds of patients in clinic and having to attempt to convince them to change their lifestyle or face the consequences I will attest that you actually are quite unique. You're amazing.