Sunday, February 12, 2012
I know that there are people that look at me & say "Look!--she's DONE it." Verily I say unto you: it's never done.
I knew this was going to happen. After every "big" event in this process (ie: major weight milestones, races, acknowledgements) I've had a corresponding mental backslide. Sometimes (as with now) I've had accompanying weight gains. I had prepped myself for the feelings of inadequacy, failure, & frustration that would inevitably come after my piece aired on the news. I hoped that in preparation I could avoid calamity. She found me anyway & I've been binging & moping & making poor choices for the better part of two weeks (I even missed my very first weigh-in last week under the guise that I couldn't go because I took a drink of water at 5:00 AM--for realz).
Intellectually I know that all of these feelings are A) ridiculous & B) fleeting. My momma always said that all emotions are fleeting & that is why it is best not to make major longterm decisions based on temporary feelings. Wise woman, my momma. So, as I wait for my feelings to flit away, I started thinking about what I BELIEVE as opposed to what I FEEL. I'm embarking on a two month reboot: going back to basics & refocusing on eating as fuel. Here is what I believe to be true for me (note: I am NOT trying to imply this to be an absolute, overarching list of mandates for the masses) :
I believe that food is necessary to fuel my body & make me strong.
I believe that there are no off-limits foods; simply off-limits portions.
I believe that food will not solve a problem--unless the problem is hunger.
I believe that food from creation will always satisfy & nourish me more than food from production.
I believe that a wide variety of foods will provide me the nutrients that I need.
I believe that there are no "bad" foods.
I believe that eating too much food is just as wasteful as throwing food away.
I believe that making my own food helps me appreciate & enjoy it more.
I believe that fewer steps from source to table yields better nutrition for my body.
I believe that occasional food "splurges" are critical.
I believe that food must taste good & be nutrient rich.
I believe that my body can tell me how much food I need if I retrain myself to be receptive to its cues.
I believe that I alone am responsible for what & how much food I put into my body.
I believe that food isn't personal.
Do I follow or defer to these beliefs 100% of the time? Absolutely not. Just as anyone with any set of beliefs--be they spiritual, ethical or social--I screw them up. Sometimes *gasp* on purpose. I'm human. Here's what I can do: I can refocus, reboot & recognize that these are the guiding beliefs that have gotten me this far & these are the beliefs that will take me the rest of the way. Two months of re-commitment starts now (actually it started yesterday, but I was elbow deep in painting Coraline's birthday project & didn't take time to finish this up).