Thursday, February 10, 2011

It's a...Peanut Butter Addict!


I started PT yesterday for my knee.  I really liked the therapist.  He did a great job of not making me feel foolish & everything he said about my knee made perfect sense, so I have no reason not to think that his solution to the problem will be equally sensible.  Plus, he was middle-aged-man hot, so I've got that going for me. 

Despite having a game plan for rehabing the knee that seems clear & attainable, I'm still feeling very out of control when it comes to my overall goal.  I'm terrified of getting out of routine & not getting back on.  I'm stressing about not making my 100 lb mini goal.  I'm feeling a strong need to turn to food, specifically peanut butter.

I come from a long, proud line of peanut butter lovers.  My grandfather eats a gooey mess of it everyday for breakfast on toast with spun honey.  Eating peanut butter & honey with him on visits to Ohio as a kid was about as close to perfection as I can imagine--so long as it's the RIGHT peanut butter. 

Some people are picky about their laundry detergent, some people are fussy about their shampoo.  I'm choosy about my peanut butter & it has to be JIF or don't even bother.  It's creamy, it's not too sweet, it's perfect on just about everything.  New Sara is very good at measuring & using peanut butter appropriately.  Old Sara, particularly Pregnant Old Sara would dive into that jar with abandon.  It was practically the only protein I could stomach during chunks of both of my pregnancies.

Since I thought I had the passion pretty well under control, I was taken by surprise by yesterday's need to put peanut butter on everything from animal crackers to bananas to a spoon.  The urge was so strong & I was feeling so powerless...that I took a pregnancy test.  How wishful is that thinking that the only reason I could possibly feel out of control was pregnancy?  It was negative (whew!--not that I had anything more to go on than "I want peanut butter"), I'm just a girl with a powerful love for an easily abused food & a prediliction for stress eating.  Ugh!  It almost seems easier to be pregnant.

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