Thursday, September 1, 2011

Finger Cuffs


Get your head out of the gutter...I'm not talking about the "Chasing Amy" kind of finger cuffs, so let's just get that out of the way right off the bat. 

I have long used the idea of finger cuffs to describe my personality.  As a kid, we would get these little straw or plastic mesh sleeves that, when put on your opposing index fingers, would tighten if you tried to then pull your fingers out.  They were the kind of high-class, high-quality toy that came from school carnivals or nickle vending machines outside of K-Mart.  I found them fascinating--I couldn't get enough of the idea that the thing you wanted most (to be pulled out) was the thing that got you more stuck.  Pull with your left hand & feel it tighten on both your left & your right.

Back to my personality flaw.  When someone tries to pull, push or otherwise maneuver me to do something, any guesses what I do?  I pull right back.  I don't know if it's an introvert thing or if it's an obstinate thing, but it's a detestable character quality.  Most of the time when I find myself stuck in an epic battle of wills, I realize I was just pulling back for the sake of pulling back. 

How does this relate?  Key to my journey has been realizing that I don't do well with firm ultimatums or mandates from on high.  On top of that, once I do submit to a rule or authority, it's binding & I can be a heinous rule monger.  So, here's my one iron clad, take it to the bank, never going back on it food rule:
There are no off limits foods, just off limits portions.
It is very important to me that most of my food be "real" food & be chosen on the merits of its ability to fuel my body, but it is also important to me to not feel trapped.  I need to know that I can have any of the foods that I like, I just can't eat them in the quantities or frequencies that used to be my norm.  I'm not "on" a diet, I eat a healthy diet. I will not do anything on this journey that I'm not willing to continue "in real life", because that's what this process is: real life.   

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