Shhh...it's a Secret...

Well, actually it's not a secret...

This weight loss journey is so cyclical.  I've been at it for a year & a half & I can now see seasons & better anticipate the hard times--or at least cling to the perspective that difficulties are only temporary.  I'm busting through my third plateau & with it my third (serious) bout of wanting to quit.  Now, coming out on the other side & feeling in control & positive again, I've had a new spate of people ask, "What's your secret?"

I used to get a little frustrated with that question because I felt like a broken record saying "I am mindful what I eat & I get more exercise" or "Weight Watchers & Curves" or "Gosh darn it, you know those kooks that yap about diet & exercise?  Those jerks were right."  And while these simplified answers are true--the physical change is a result of watching what & how much I eat & moving more--I have recently begun to appreciate that there is a secret to my success, in fact, there are two.  They have nothing to do with food or pills or workouts or water or surgery or vitamins.  My secret is in my anchors.

This time around I have two very new, very personal anchors motivating me.

1. I want to be healthy, not skinny.  Prior attempts to shed pounds had been inherently flawed as they were rooted in a desire to be thin & therefore pretty.  The crap thing about that is that beauty is fleeting & beauty is changing.  I was chasing an ideal that I could attain less & less with each passing day.  Tomorrow I'll be one day closer to wrinkles & gray hairs & I now appreciate that as an inevitability.  Without the struggle for beauty I am able to focus on the struggle for health.  While still a technically losing battle, there are so many wonderful ways I can influence my health & I am proud to say that I am in the best shape of my entire life & getting better every day.  Winning!
2. I want to break the cycle.  Nearly every woman in my family is obese.  They struggle every day with the health & esteem issues that come from living the life fettered by excess weight.  When my daughter was born I KNEW that I had a "weight-y" responsibility to break the cycle & give her a model of health, well-being, self-esteem & longevity.  It may seem ridiculous, but I have realized that longevity on this earth is a very new concept to me.  I grew up with the notion that I would not live a long life.  I have changed that thought pattern & am modeling it for my daughter (& son) to the best of my ability because it is my duty to them as their mother & shepherd.

The physical work that I do every day, it is hard & it is time consuming & it sometimes appears selfish, but it pales in comparison to the neverending work that I do in my head to keep myself in the frame of mind that makes it worth it.  Ultimately this is about my health & the health of my kids.  There is nothing more important to me in the whole world--certainly not the box of Krispy Kremes that I could have eaten in my old life, before I grabbed onto my anchors.  Even then I could have told you that I needed to eat better & move more.  It wasn't enough to know what to do, I had to be motivated to WANT to do it for the rest of my life.